


and I can't let go

by jdphoenix



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s01e07 The Hub, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 08:43:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5702215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdphoenix/pseuds/jdphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma receives some unsettling news from her superior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and I can't let go

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the first sentence prompt "In my defense, it was really fun" from shineyma.

“In my defense,” Jemma says cautiously, “it was really _very_ fun.”

Hand’s eyes slide slowly to her, causing Jemma to squirm in her ergonomically designed conference chair.

“Not the dying,” she adds quickly, well aware she’s babbling, “or _nearly_ dying, I should say, since I’m obviously still alive. But the after! When the stress of the day overwhelmed me, Agent Ward was most amenable to helping me through it.” She folds her hands in her lap, quite unable to keep a pleased grin off her face.

Hand doesn’t seem pleased by the news. Which she _should_ be. As unpleasant as it all was, Jemma’s near-death experience has sped along her timeline quite nicely. Not only did she entice Ward into providing her with comfort sex, solidifying his view of her as a helpless damsel out of her depth in the field, but her standing with the rest of the team has advanced by leaps and bounds.

She didn’t miss how moved May was by news of her impending demise and, while her surveillance skills aren’t up to an operations agent’s standards, she knows someone snuck a peek into her bunk later that night just to check she was still alive and well, and she’s fairly certain it was May. Skye’s been sticking close to her side ever since and Jemma feels they’re well on their way to being the best of friends. Fitz, unfortunately, seems to have realized he’s in love with her; that might become inconvenient later on, but at the moment it’s eclipsed by Coulson’s treatment of her.

He outright refused to throw her from the Bus and, when she was returned safely, yelled at her. He _cares_ about her and, while he might not be able to say or even think it yet, he’s well on his way to considering her a daughter. Hopefully one he can trust with the secret of his miraculous resurrection - which she certainly could have used if things had gone-

Jemma’s thoughts stutter to a halt. “Are you angry I _survived_?” she asks, looking to Hand in horror. Was she hoping the situation would end with Coulson resurrecting _her_?

Hand’s chin lowers so she can look even more dramatically down her nose at Jemma. “No, I am not angry my star agent survived. I’m _angry_ because you seem a little _too_ pleased with how things turned out.”

It says a great deal that Jemma needs a moment to muddle that out - and a great more that Jemma ends up with no idea what it means. “I _lived_ ,” she points out again. She has a right to be happy about that, doesn’t she?

Hand rolls her eyes and sets to pacing the room. “Yes. And then you fell into bed with Ward. Which,” she adds with a raised hand, “I know was the plan - it was _my_ plan, assuming you couldn’t get Coulson into bed-” (Jemma shudders at the thought, glad all over again that Agent May’s inclusion on the team prevented that plan from reaching fruition)- “but I’m worried I was wrong.”

“‘Wrong’?” Jemma echoes. Her eyes narrow and her focus drifts to the two weeks since the virus. Ward has kept up his professional demeanor and makes no indication they’ve been intimate, but it’s obvious he’s softened towards her. He’s more attentive, offering to help her reach for this or carry that, and she doesn’t think she’s imagined him looking her way with an expression that might, on a man less emotionally constipated, be dubbed a smile. He is, in short, endearingly awkward around her now. “He _trusts_ me, no longer sees me as even a potential threat - if he ever did at all. Wasn’t that the point?”

“Yes,” Hand says slowly, crossing her arms over her chest and staring Jemma down in an unsettlingly motherly way, “but it’s not him I’m worried about. You enjoy him.”

A blush burns Jemma’s cheeks. “Well, yes. Is it so surprising I’d have enjoyed sleeping with a man SHIELD frequently employs to seduce intelligence out of marks?”

“Of course not, but you’ve grown _attached_ , Jemma. You’re hoping to repeat the experience - which would be one thing if you didn’t also enjoy the attention he pays you.”

Jemma doesn’t bother to deny it - she can’t, Hand knows all her tells - and lowers her gaze to her lap.

“And that’s why I tapped him and Agent Fitz for the South Ossetia mission. If we’re lucky, Coulson will be so attached already he won’t accept losing two members of his team. If we’re not-” she shrugs carelessly- “the next time it happens he’ll be even more devastated. And in the meantime, you’ll be saved a distraction and spared Fitz’s fawning.”

There’s a rushing in Jemma’s ears and she needs to sit down - except she already is. She curls her legs tight around the edge of her seat to keep herself from gripping the arms of the chair. Hand can’t see her reaction. “They could complete the mission,” she says, her voice somewhat hollow. “I know Fitz is untested but Ward-”

“I certainly hope they do. Do you have any idea how many of our projects will be in jeopardy if those separatists start using their Overkill device? But for our purposes it makes no difference; there’s no extraction.” She heads for the door, oblivious to the weight threatening to crush Jemma’s chest. “I suggest you prepare yourself to make a show of grief.”

She leaves Jemma with memories of Fitz trying so hard to pretend he had any idea what he was doing going on this mission and the rush of warmth that accompanied Ward’s fingers brushing hers when she forced a medkit on him. Hand sent them out there to die simply for the sake of protecting Jemma’s cover. Which is ludicrous on the face of it. If they don’t return and if - a very big “if” in this case - Coulson even keeps the team running afterward, she’ll have to start all over with two new agents. Fitz’s implicit trust in her is the product of years of effort and Ward … well, there’s no guaranteeing either of the new agents will be attracted to her and it’s not as though she can sleep with _both_ \- not without inviting a whole host of other problems.

This is what she tells herself as she sets out to find Skye. The girl is already displeased with the lack of information she’s received lately, it won’t take much to feed that. Skye can expose the lack of extraction to Coulson, and Coulson can save the boys, and Hand … Hand will just have to tell their superiors at AIM this was the right call, whether she agrees with it or not.

 


End file.
